skulpine fresh (skul/serpine), romantic cliche: lingerie gifting
im screaming just so you know. i had to pause my music because i was laughing too hard to hear it. anyways here’s the fic
Skul was sitting in his room being all “oh no boo hoo” because Val was FUCKING DEAD (or might as well be at least). A sudden knock on the door made him jump, both physically and metaphorically jumping to the conclusion that it would be Val knocking on the door. It wasn’t. “Hey baby,” the figure said, smiling really seductively like wow Skul was totes floored. “I’ve got a present for you,” Serpine said, and held out a pink box containing a bra. Skulduggery’s only response was to stand there, dumbstruck — there was no snarky comeback for a bra in a box.
“Boy, do I love chicken strips. Sometimes, when I’m home alone, I’ll take some chicken strips fresh out of the oven and rub them in my scalp. It doesn’t do much for my hair health, but I like the way they feel running through my strands of hair. The flakey coating, smooth white meat, and warmth. Yum,” he finally said, leading Serpine to the bedroom where they had steamy skeleton sex. Not as steamy as sex with Val, though, so Skul kicked him out and kept the bra.
it’s val/melancholia and i’m an awful, awful person
the endingthe whole thing is really shitty but i was in a hurry and it’s femslash february so just roll with it
More Skulduggery fanfic links! This time it’s JackXSabine~
The Beauty & the Beast in London: A little something by me, based on what would happen if Tanith had not killed Jack during the events of The Maleficent Seven, but had killed his reflection instead. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9365987/1/Beauty-and-the-Beast-in-London (I might do a sequel if it gets more good reviews)
Under the Stars: A cute little one-shot of Jack and Sabine hanging out on a London rooftop https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9290454/1/Under-The-Stars
Unfortunately those are the only ones that I know of. Credit goes to the authors (myself and Tanzani Coil - The Only respectively). Happy reading, JackXSabine shippers!
17 January
17th January, 2014
Fandom: Skulduggery Pleasant
Based off the blog of: inall-my-dreams-i-drown.tumblr.comI really want to write more Skulduggery Pleasant fanfiction for this project.
——
Valkyrie lies in bed – her bed, in her family’s home – and listens to the rain falling hard on the roof. Occasionally, the sky outside will light up with lightning and be followed by a crack of thunder. She rolls over and pulls her blankets up over her more. She can’t get warm.
There is a tap on her window, so quiet she barely hears it. It comes a second time, and she looks over her shoulder. A skeletal silhouette is perched on her windowsill.
She gets up and opens the window, and Skulduggery slides in, as though climbing through her window in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm is normal.
“Hello,” he says, sitting down at her desk. “I have a job for us.”
Valkyrie gets back under her covers but doesn’t lie down. She glares at him. “I’m sleeping. It’s storming and we just finished a case twelve hours ago. Can’t it wait?”
Skulduggery sighs quietly. “I know we just finished a case. And you weren’t sleeping, I could tell even through the window. There’s not actually a job, I just came to keep you company. I thought maybe a nice relaxing drive in the Bentley would be nice.”
Valkyrie is quiet for a full minute, looking at Skulduggery while he (presumably) looks back.
“I’ve been sleeping in my bed at your house more than I’ve been sleeping in this bed,” she says eventually. “I’m terrified of sleeping here. I’m worried I’m going to get my family hurt.”
“That is understandable,” says Skulduggery.
“I think a ride in the Bentley would be nice.”
-
Somehow, Skulduggery ends up driving her to his house. She doesn’t tell him to take her back – after all, she had her reflection pretending to sleep in her bed, and she is more at ease in the passenger seat of the Bentley than she is at home.
She falls asleep on Skulduggery’s sofa, with her on a pillow in his lap. He runs his fingers through her hair and talks quietly about nonsense as she falls asleep.
It’s not the first time this has happened.
-
When she wakes up in the morning, Valkyrie is greeted by a coffee on the coffee table and Skulduggery pressing his teeth to her forehead in place of a kiss.
“You’re amazing,” she mumbles, reaching for her coffee. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“I ask myself that question every day.”
“What you did to deserve me.”
“No, what you did to deserve me.”
Valkyrie throws her head back and laughs. “I love you, you idiot.”
Skulduggery leans down to press his teeth to her lips. “I love you, too.”
praise me (and i’ll praise you) | Valduggery
Valkyrie is a goddess. Skulduggery is her high priest.
AO3 Link. Inspired by the Hannigram fic “revelation” by fightlikeagirl.-
The temple is glowing with the flickering light of candles. The air is thick with incense, but there is nobody around for it to choke. There is no sound.
Against the back wall of the temple, there is a statue of the goddess, as tall as the ceiling, with her hair painted raven-black and with rubies adorning her lips and opals in place of her pupils. The goddess, Darquesse (though she does not like the name), is beautiful and wrathful even in this form, making those who look upon her tremble in fear.
A lone figure kneels in front of the statue, his deep black robes covering his hands and his face. He kneels and prays tonight, as he has done every night for a hundred, and as he will every night as long as his goddess wishes.
-
Many years ago, Skulduggery Pleasant was a sorcerer, who was fighting in a war. He felt invincible, like he could not be killed because so often, he would face certain death and come out laughing.
Then, he died. Then, he came back to life, a bag of bones. To this day, he does not know why.
Soon after he reassembled himself and got some clothes, the goddess had spoken.
Skeleton, the voice had whispered. At the time, it had been impossibly quiet and weak
“Yes?” he had said out loud, tilting his head to the side. He had wondered if he was going insane.
I have work for you, the voice said. I’m not in your head. I am a goddess.
“A goddess?” Skulduggery had asked skeptically. “Are you sure I’m not just insane?”
You know me as Darquesse. Would you help me?
A month later, Skulduggery built the first temple of Darquesse the world had seen in centuries, and devoted his life to worshiping the goddess who had chosen him.
Skulduggery Pleasant brought the cult of Darquesse back into the world, and his goddess grew strong.
-
She wasn’t as he imagined a death goddess – she was happy, at times, and sulked at others. She was almost child-like, in the way she asked questions about his magic, even though she could glean the information directly from his mind, and she had an innocence about her sometimes, when she spoke of things he didn’t think the divine could understand. Like love, and loss.
When she first spoke with Skulduggery, he had pictured her as a lonely girl who needed a mortal to help her grow.
Now, he pictures her as a confident woman, and feels almost proud.
-
Skulduggery lights the candles in the temple with a wave of his hand. He pauses in front of the statue, and bows deeply.
You don’t need to do that, the goddess tells him, and the sound is so clear she could almost be behind him, whispering in his ear.
“I want to,” he says to the statue. “It’s a sign of respect.”
Then I should bow to you, the goddess reasons, and Skulduggery chuckles.
“If you wish, my lady.”
Don’t do that, either. I told you, it’s Valkyrie. Is that so hard? Not my lady, not Darquesse.
“I have devoted my life to your worship. You are a goddess, I am a man. It is hard not to address you as my superior.”
But you’re not just some follower. You’re the follower. You are my voice on Earth. I need you. Unfortunately. There is a teasing tone in her voice.
Skulduggery bows to the statue again, and if he had lips, he would smile. His goddess does not speak again, but her presence lingers, a warmth in his soul that comforts him through the day.
On days when his goddess speaks to him, it much easier to forget his past. Knowing that Valkyrie has seen into his mind and soul, has seen his past and his future, comforts him, because she stays with him still, and her forgiveness and acceptance means everything to him.
-
A man comes into the temple and Skulduggery assists him in slaughtering a goat at Valkyrie’s alter. The man shivers as he feels the goddess accept his gift, and after a quick prayer, he hurries out of the temple.
As Skulduggery burns the carcass, Valkyrie speaks. They do it out of fear. They don’t love me. Why are they afraid of me?
“You are death,” Skulduggery says gently, moments like these are when his goddess seems most human. He thinks to the oldest stories in which she appeared. “You are death and it is foretold that one day, your touch will cover all the lands, and nobody will be spared. They believe that by praying to you, worshipping you and sacrificing to you, they will be spared from… the end of the world that you are to bring.”
That’s ridiculous. Why would I do that? Why would I kill everyone?
“I don’t know. I don’t think you will. It does seem ridiculous.”
There is silence, and Skulduggery starts to think that his goddess has left him again. When the goat is burned and he has returned inside the temple to change into fresh robes (his current ones reek with blood and smoke), she speaks again.
Skulduggery?
“Yes?”
Do you love me?
Before he died, Skulduggery had a family. He had a wife and children he loved completely, and when they died, he thought he would never truly be able to love again. Then his goddess came to him, and spoke to him as a confidant and a friend, and the pain started easing. The memories started fading, until he thought of his life in two parts: then, and now. Now had started when he woke up, fleshless with the goddess whispering in his ear.
“I love you with my entire soul,” Skulduggery murmurs to his goddess. “Of course I do.”
-
For all of those Chiduggery fans out there, I has fanfic links~
The Missing Chapters is what happened in LSODM between chapters 76 & 77: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9823840/1/The-Missing-Chapters-Chapter-76-and-Three-Quarters-Fine-China
Chinduggery is set after Death Bringer (I haven’t read it all the way, but it seems good so far): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9379396/1/Chinduggery
The Pleasant Sorrow is a little something of my own creation, based on what was going through China’s head during chapter 76: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10031129/1/The-Pleasant-Sorrow
Credit goes to the authors ( Zenith Cerulean, Ubiquitous Wraith, and myself, respectively). Happy Chiduggery fangirling!
Champagne and Subway, a first-date Valduggery fic
Skulduggery fiddled with his cuffs awkwardly.
“I look like a Russian oligarch,” he whined, skull turning toward Ghastly beseechingly.
“I’m hideous. I look like- oh, God.” He dropped his cuffs and flung his arms up to the heavens. “I look like I’m from the eighties!”
Ghastly walked back from the pile of discarded shirts, tutting.
“Skulduggery, you said, and I quote, that you wanted to dress with a bit of ‘pizazz’, and that you wanted to look different and impressive. Now, much as I disapprove of this venture, I’m fulfilling your wishes, so-“
“I know,” Skulduggery cut in. “I just… There’s nothing perfect. Ghastly. Nothing’s right. I’m trying too hard. Am I trying too hard? I never even wear red. It bleaches me, you know.”
(read more)
CHAPTER 51 FANFIC FOR SONICISINTHETARDIS
“OMG RAVEL I THOUGHT U WERE MAH BFF” ghastly said, dying on the floor.
“Omg no ghastly! Dont die on me” ravel said as he stepped over ghastly’s near dead corpse
“Well it doesn’t work that way ravel, u can’t just stab som1 and expect them to live.” Ghastly uttered as he deid
“But ghastly… I did it for da vine….” Ravel whispered~~~~~~~~~~~fin~~~~~~~~~~~
For: SONICISINTHETARDIS
eitilt [Val & Skul]
Summary: Looking down at the ground, Valkyrie told herself that she’d fallen from higher steps than this. After all, she’d made a promise to herself to make Skulduggery teach her how to do this, and there was no way she was going to back down now.
Notes: Takes place between the first two books, and more or less directly inspired by the following lines in book one:
“He brought up his arms up by his side and out in front, and a tremendous gust of wind buffeted him over to the rooftop. Stephanie promised herself that one day, she’d get him to teach her how to do that.”
Also over at AO3 (X)Valkyrie Cain looked out of the passenger-side window, resisting the childish urge to press her nose against the glass as she took in the view of what was looked like an ordinary car lot. But having lived twelve years without even realizing the magic that lay behind ordinary things, it might not be as normal as she thought it was.
She eyed the empty lot critically, even sweeping a glance up at the streetlights. It was to Valkyrie’s senses, most definitely an ordinary parking lot. The lot didn’t even have the decency to have any other cars, and the rundown-looking booth that was the sole standing structured looked like it had seen more use in better days.
“This is a parking lot,” Valkyrie said pointedly, not quite getting what this had anything to do with flying. Or magic.
Dead Man
(AO3)
There is a version of reality where you don’t die in the Round Room, Ghastly Bespoke; not until you’ve broken some bones.
